Preparing For Baby: Pregnancy With No Family Nearby | Mom's ...

Having a baby away from your family can be a very overwhelming experience. Tranquil Samuel talks to Ranjini Escalante, a working mother, settled in Phoenix, United States, with her husband and two children.

Most women fall back on their parents and the in-laws when they are preparing for their baby. How did you manage your two pregnancies, (eleven months apart!), both times away from family?

With my first pregnancy, I developed high BP and also had multiple fibroids which potentially could complicate and even threaten the pregnancy. I missed my family in India but since I would call them almost every other day they were ?always there? for me. My in-laws live in Florida,and my mum-in-law has an extreme fear of flying. So she could not come to help either but she was always calling and checking up on my health.

The people that my husband and me work with, who are like a second family to us, turned out to be very supportive through it all. They threw a baby shower for me and made sure we had everything I need to welcome the baby. We got the crib ready and also some baby furniture.

When I started spotting I was put on bed rest. I stopped working but had to keep up with the housework and cooking.I can?t do without my Indian food and my husband, who is American, couldn?t cook that!

We always joke that Paul was our trial and error baby. We had to make our own decisions which sometimes backfired on us. We grappled with Paul?s issues with the formula, his teething troubles; In between,I was pregnant again! I also returned to work.

I returned home within 48 hours after Rebekah?s delivery by C section, because,we had had to leave Paul at home with friends, and I requested the doc to send me home early. My friends came over bringing us food. I was better equipped and more confident to take care of Rebekah because of my experience with Paul.

Did you depend a lot on your husband at these times?

My husband was a tremendous help and very supportive. When Paul was born we both adjusted our schedules and worked on opposite nights so that one of us was always there with Paul. Hubby would get the baby to burp, change diapers and all with the skill of an experienced grandma! He also started doing grocery shopping more often.I shifted to day shift and started working only 2 days a week. On the days that I worked, the kids would be dropped off to day care. My husband would then get a few hours of sleep and then pick them up late afternoon and make sure they were fed and clean. Then I would come back from my shift and take over from there. We still continue the same routine.

Did you at times feel nervous, scared and even incompetent to cope?

After Paul was born,my hormonal changes manifested itself through an irrational fear thata friend here, who is more like a sister to me and has been by my side through so much of life, would take away my baby! This fear gripped me for months. We still remain the best of friends though, thanks to her being so gracious and understanding to me.

Did you join any mother?s group or some such support group which may have helped you cope?

A close friend, who was pregnant at the same time,was very supportive. Her words, ?Whatever works,? are still stuck in my mind. Every baby is different, and what works for one baby does not mean it will work for the other. So we would do whatever?works for our baby as long as it was safe and healthy.

I got my ?me-time? by joining a women?s group from Church which meets every other week; our time is spent quilting, swapping stories, and sharing our concerns. I am also tremendously grateful to my mom, althoughsometimes I feel she does not totally understand how different my situation is.

What would you say were the advantages of having a child away from family?

My husband and I got closer and stronger in our relationship because we didn?t have anyone else to rely on. We had to learn to fix the mistakes that we made; and we didn?t have any disapproving eyes telling us that we were doing all wrong. The children have a stronger bond with us and have come to love us more. With no mum or mum-in-law around, there are no differences of opinions on parenting. Another great advantage, personally speaking for me, is that my spiritual life really grew a lot ? you learn to depend on God in your helplessness.

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Tags: childbirth, family, pregnancy

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